Lost.

I'm feeling miserable.

Imma rusher. Did I do a wrong move again? I just wanted to have a normal chat and you relate it with our problem. Why can't you just act normal? Did I say that I want to talk about the past? You don't know what I want to say and you asked me not to waste time!

I know I'm an annoying emo shit. You don't want me as a friend cause you think I'm too emo. I guess so, right?! If you can't accept who I am, what can I say anymore?

I treated you as a best friend. And I'll always do.

Until now, after knowing the painful truth, after getting hurt, after all these things happening, the memories, the feelings.. I still wouldn't let you go. I still treat you as my closest friend ever. You might not feel the same but this is what I feel! You are my best friend! No matter what!

I know that only time can solve our problem. Maybe I should just learn. Not to rush, not to have too much expectation, not to think too much and not to hope for the impossible. I will remember a quote from Cik See.. ' Delay your desire, it builds up your patience' . Although I have a strong desire to want you back, I have to be patient. Cause you won't know, one day maybe I'll just forget about all these. And by then I wouldn't even say about this anymore.

I still remember the memories. Those sweet memories where I can never forget. You're the first person in my life who gave me the happiness. No one else can give me the feeling.. at least, not yet. But currently you're the only one!

I drop tears everytime I think of our memories. Bicycles during the evening.. you fetch me on motor.. the movies we've seen before.. the roads we've walked and traveled through before.. Every place in Kuantan contains the memories. It hurts for now.

I just wish I can travel back time and appreciate that moment. I really wish... I love to see you smile at me... your smile is always the most precious thing from you.. I really want back the relationship......... cause I'll never forget.

We had a year full of memories.. My upper form life is 100% about you already.

People said I've changed. Because of you.

Jiankit

Love?

I don't know.

Do I really love you? Or it is just a mere mistake that everyone might do in their adolescence stage?

No, no.. stop thinking. I'm gonna break my head soon. It's so stressful living in this condition.

Bestfriends? Lovers? I think that neither of us know the answer. The feeling just come and go. Up and down. You'll never know what do you really feel. Especially in this kind of abnormal situation. What is the truth behind this chaos?

We'll never get to know our true feelings unless you undergo certain circumstances that pops up your mind and bring the idea that tells you your true feelings.

I had mine. 11-11-11 remember? Since that day I finally know what I feel. Maybe what I do after 11-11-11 is a little too much, but everyone deserves a second chance. I learn from my mistakes and it's pretty obvious that I changed my ways. I'm not like last time anymore. I know that accepting me needs time. Maybe I'm just a rusher. Forever the same.

I don't know how to be patient.

For goodness sake. What should I do? There's no use crying over spilt milk, grumbling over the lost rainbow, neither there's use of emo-ing over things that happened.

Maybe.. I just cant forget the mistakes you done. It hurts.

No matter what you feel, bestfriend or that 'special' feelings, you should never accused me over something I didn't commit. Because of a small matter and you hurt me for a night! A memorable night became a nightmare! BECAUSE OF YOU.

Yes. YOU ARE THE TORN IN MY LIFE. NOT APPLE.

Torn hurts. Its sharp. And it goes directly to my heart.

Oh my, homeworks. Bye.

Jiankit

Bye bye 2011, Helloo 2012!

First and foremost, I would like to announce something important that happened in the last few moments in 2011.

Based on the previous post, I told you guys that I had that "special" best friend whom I found right?

Well,

I LOST THIS BEST FRIEND.

To be truthful, I didn't really expect things to come to this stage. After all the ups and downs we'd gone through.. nothing matters at the end. I mean, how much time, energy, money and emoness spent on him and what I get is zero. Oh, not even zero, negative. -.-

I don't want to say anything about him already. I gave up on him. He's just a bitch who doesn't deserves me as his friend. I treated him well and this is what I get. Shit. Damn o0o

Ok, so this is the annual post. New year resolution! :DD

In year 2011, I had alot of wonderful memories..

But it's all over now. A special thanks to that friend for giving me 'special' moments.

2012 new year resolutions:

1. Score full A+ in SPM.

2. Getting good results in all music exams.

3. Socialize more and make tons of new friends.

4. Being best friends with HIM again =D

5. Forget, forget, forget.

6. Study hard and score for SPM!!

7. Enjoy my life! Join dinners! haha.

8. Love xxx xxxxx larr.

9. Uhh forget him la duh. Stop saying bout him.

So, this is it ;p

Welcome 2012!

Jiankit

Best Friend

Whoa whoa. My lonely blog has been abandoned for about 4 months.

Well, you know, I'm kind of busy.

Busy of emo-ing. Over someone whom I treat as best friend.

Maybe I didn't had a best friend before (Before this one, I guess). I have to really admit that, since young, I had very few friends. Uhm, if you count insincere friends in my friendlist, it would be 2-feet long by now. Yes, what I want is only sincere friends, friends whom I trust and trusts me. I did have good friends before this, since form 1. I've totally forgotten about primary school. Maybe it had been a painful memory in primary school to me, I had no idea. But I seemed not to remember a single thing. No happy memories..

My good friends are always girls. You know, for a guy, it's hard to treat a girl as their best friend, no matter how close they were. Guys still prefer guys in finding best friends, I believe girls do the same too. This year, 2011, had been a superb 'life-changing' year for me. I had new bunch of friends (totally new), I often hang out now, I go out for 'dating' until 11pm and my mom had to scold me over the phone to pull me back home.. and the best, I found a best friend.

I know alot of people would know who I mean. Well, I know it's kinda obvious. So what? I found this special friend. I can clearly remember the first time I talked to him. I had SPECIAL connections since the day we became friends. Something just pulls us together. I don't know why.

That is what happened in February this year. After that, our friendship became so-so and we were just normal friends. This is due to alot of conditions, ex: he is my biggest competitor in any sense. Ha-ha-ha. Yeap, I had to admit he is good in studies and other stuffs too. And between two great competitor, sometime it's hard to be best friend.. especially when he cares alot about results. For me, I do not really look upon results. I rather have friendship. I wouldn't want to let friendship go.

So, he had became someone special in my life. I can't believe I'm even blogging about him! I just can't figure out the 'special connection' I had in my heart when we just became friends. Destinied? I don't know. I only know that I had gone far beyond 'best friends' and I should keep my standard low.

I know it's hard to understand the paragraph above, but I think I wanna cut it off now. I really sound gay. Maybe I am, who knows? I didn't say I'm not. Haha.

Jiankit

p.s I love you forever <3

Alone. Always.

I do not belong to anywhere.

Yes, I'm always left out.

I'm used to be alone.

...

I can only believe in myself. I do not need other people.

You know what, sometimes I'm sick of reality. If you are good, everyone knows and befriends you. When you do not shine, nobody cares to talk to you, even showing displeasure and annoyance. This is what you call as life. Some people are born to be attraction seeker, but some are born to be left out.

Well, I'm half of it by the way. I can seek attraction if I want to, but usually I choose not to. I find it annoying myself. It's better to being caught attention rather than seeking it yourself, making yourself a fool. When you deserve to have attention, you'll get it. If you don't, that's it. For me, I like to have a low profile, but to have my talents recognized.

So, start accepting the fact of life. Everyone are born different. Accept who you are and live the life arranged for you. If you start to change your life, it would end up in two different situations. Either better or worst.

In conclusion: Be who you are. Although you might not want or like it. Cheer! ;)

Jiankit

p.s. : Musicthon ended. I'm now wondering wheter to continue learning viola. I know I'm not that bad if I practice, but i really have no time if I focus on my studies. Conflict =x

Upside Down, by Jiankit Loh

- CHAPTER ONE -

I opened my eyes suddenly. I looked around. I was on my bed. It was just a dream. I felt rather dissapointed and went to the restroom to freshen myself up.

I went down stairs after changing out into my new suit. "Morning, dad, mum." I said. Mum and Dad turned around, both replied 'Morning, son'. Dad was reading his newspaper and Mum was watching her favourite TV programme, so I guess they have taken their breakfast.

I went over to the refrigerator to get some cereal out. While having my cereal, I'm smiling and smirking every moment, as I know today will be the greatest day in my life.

'Son, why are you smiling like a silly ass while having your breakfast? And why are you dressed in your new suit?' asked Mum.

'I smile whenever I feel like it. And I'm going to meet Angel later on. I'm having a surprise for her. Mum, dad, be ready for a big news later on!'

I went out of the house, heading to my car. Mum and Dad was left puzzled with question marks over their head. I drove off, heading towards where I am supposed to meet Angel.

Finally, I reached my destination. I looked up to the signboard, 'Hmm.. Happy Ending Cafe.. yes, this is the place', I whispered to myself. I went down the car and went inside. There were not many customers, but somehow I can't find Angel. Perhaps she wasn't there yet.

Half an hour passed, my excitement to meet Angel began to fall. Where is she? She promised me 9am but now its 9.30am! I was feeling angry a little, but I control my anger as today should be a day to remember, forever.

I looked at my watch, its 10am already. My excitement turned into worries. Angel was never that late before! An hour! I tooked my iPhone out and called Angel. Suddenly I froze for a second. Isn't that..

[To be continued]
__________________________________________________________

Personal:
Heyy everyone! That is one part of the short story that I've written spontaneously, how great. Well, I wonder if anyone was reading my wonderful blog (given the exception to my idiot brother, namely Jianyuen Loh in Facebook, who barked like a dog while I'm talking on the phone to my friend, he critized me and my blog and asked me to die, whereas he should be the one dying in a stupid hole with his girlfriend. Wait and see, I'm gonna tell my mum and dad something about his secret.), well I hope there are, but if there aren't, nevermind. I gonna prove that my blog was created to share something, not to critized anyone. (Although I just did teehee. Perhaps I'm gonna delete it if he apologize, which is impossible because he is so harsh and rude.)

This story may not be SOO interesting but I hope it does attract you over to read! Stay on for the next few parts!

Jiankit

LSR

LSR. Life Sucks Recently.

So, its holidays now. But it seemed that I'm not infected by anyone's holiday virus. Homeworks here and there, pressure coming from music stuffs. What I need to do to my piano and viola is to practice, practice, practice, practice...

I hate how I look. I mean, for the current being. I just had my ugliest haircut through my 15 years and 7 month living. Although it might not be horrible to other people, but to me, I count it as a horror, a haircut of an uncivilized monster. I wish I have a nice cap to wear everytime I leave the house.

There is a proverb (which I created myself) that sounds, ' Hair can be grown and styled, into something fantastic and wild, skin which are spoilt and scarred, can or cannot be peeled or cut?'

Ew, that proverb sounds so horrible.

Yea, based on the proverb, the message I'm trying to deliver is something to do with my pimply scarred face. I just had no idea why am I the one suffering from this problem. You know how I feel when I see other guys with smooth face? My heart shed tears everytime a guy like that appear infront of my eyes.

I can sacrifice anything, oh wait, let me change it to 'something' instead, to get my smooth face back again! Or at least, please recover. Now its scary and I'm feeling disgust myself. How horrible can a previously smooth skin like this turn to? Looking back at my young self, I wish I can keep that skin forever.

Gonna rush for tuition. Before I leave, I would like to dedicate one more proverb (which is also created by myself).

' Handsome looks, bad skin, shows ugliness;
Smooth skin, ugly looks, shows handsomeness.'

I guess that's so true.

Jiankit